Gipsy Larasati

“I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life.” -Abraham Lincoln. Maybe you ever heard this quote? Yes this is one of my fav. quote :). Mother give us unconditional love that can’t be measured. It’s comforting, it’s saving, it’s unconditional…thanks to my mother. If Abraham Lincoln said about his mother’s prayer this time I”ll make a pray for my beloved people. I’m not romantic one but I”ll make the honest one. Thanks for all of these writings lately. I make it because I don’t want to misunderstood myself too :)


To daddy, thank for all of the strength, the braveness, the vision, the trust that you put so I can face my day. I pray my daddy”ll be healthy always & can see his daughters and son to be a meaningful person in present & future.

To mom, thank for all the love & support that you always give me. Thank to make me believe that we are woman must fighting & open our own way without forgetting our woman side. I pray my mom”ll keep her smile & see her daughters & son wash her feet with love & dedication for others.

To my little sister & brother thanks for make me laugh everyday. I pray they”ll be good children & can make my mom & dad smile forever :). 

To my grandma, thank for everything till this age. I pray my grandma”ll have long age so can see I work hard still :).

To my family, thank for helping me too. I pray our family”ll be united forever.

To my teachers everywhere, thank you for teaching me many things. I pray my teachers”ll have good life, good family & happiness :). So much spirit they give, now I have graduated from university already, all of that because of them too =). I’m proud to be their student. My teacher my candles.

To my friends, thank for fill my days with much laughters, happy tears and hold me when I’m down. Thank for teaching me many life lessons too. I’m happy having friends like you no matter in real or virtual life. They give me many inspirations. I pray they”ll reach dreams that they hope, happiness that they seek and smile that they keep :).

To my best friends that far away now, I miss them so much. Hope our internship”ll go well. I pray they”ll always be safe there & God”ll protect them from any harm.

To someone that I love, sometimes my love isn’t perfect. Sometimes I’m down, sometimes I want to give up, sometimes I’m jealous & upset, but among all of that I never forget the kindness that you give/the one that you don’t realize. I can’t tell it all or maybe you won’t believe it but kindness is still kindness for me. In some parts I can reach this day because of him too :). I pray he”ll get future that he hopes, dreams that he thinks and spirit along the way to banish the obstacles :).

I’m not a perfect human. Maybe sometimes I hurt them without realizing it but just hope they”ll be okay as long as I still live :). Hope they”ll get the spirit & can face the day. Good night, hope tomorrow”ll be a wonderful day for you too! ^^

Eyes open, took quite much nap =.=…Yeah quite much energy tonite >:D. Viva Kelly, my life would suck withoutttt netttt :P ❤ Tonite I”ll tell more about the hospital life :p. I’m a short sleeper, I can sleep everywhere since as doctor sometimes we won’t sleep on the bed. Maybe we will sleep while sitting, above the desk, even on the floor. As a doctor we must survive and most important we must have time to take a rest. That’s why sometimes there is no time to think where”ll sleep. Sleep while you can. If you have long time then sleep longer :P. Since the shift isn’t started yet usually I will wake up around 4, 4.30 or maybe 5 am. I must wake up early because usually I”ll clean my room first, prepare my bag etc. It needs around 45 minutes - 1 hour to arrive at the hospital. Actually not the distance that’s matter, but the traffic, it makes longer and need more time. Yeah, I love hearing music on the road! :P Life without music will be really bored & suck! Along the way, there are some silent and crowded road..love the silent road and can see ricefields too, if go early can see the mountains too ^^. Ahhh few days ago I saw lotus pond but not see it more near yet. They’re blooming, so pretty from a far ^^. When arrive at hospital, will join my friends. This week still talking about our schedule. My first job will be on emergency unit for 4 months. We will have 4 shifts, 1 people in the morning, 2 people in the afternoon, 1 people for night shift. From 8 am-2pm, 2pm-9pm, 9pm-8am like that ^^. People who get night shift will have 1 day holiday after that :). There are some several morning report on monday, wednesday, and friday ^^. During internship we must collect and write down on the table 400 cases, make minimal 5 reports then present it. Our doctors are quite nice :). My friends too :). The hospital is big, it’s still in improvement. One nice thing is the park is quite large ^^. This year will be the first decade b’day of the hospital ^^. The regency is the richest in Bali. I don’t want to talk about the money, but because of that I think the equipment here are quite good. Hope it can help people more =). During the improvement either the building, human resources etc they said there are up & down but in 2015 they have target to be far more better :). Me too, although we”ll be only for 8 months there, because another 4 months we will be in another place I hope can contribute something good for this hospital since they give us chance & experiences I want to pay it back with trust, good name & hard work. Although we are still new doctors, hope can work together with another staff as good team and can learn each other too :). My aim is to be better, to serve people with better skills, better attitudes and better results. It’s not easy, but hope so, people say if you want something you must think it positively first right ^^. Whatever you do, whatever field you choose, believe that it”ll bring the best of you if you work with full heart, full services, full passion & spirit. Ganbbate! =)v

I like this Kelly’s song. Yes, I like the beat!~~ let’s sing! >:D

[Verse 1:]
Guess this means you’re sorry
You’re standing at my door
Guess this means you take back
All you said before
Like how much you wanted
Anyone but me
Said you’d never come back
But here you are again

[Chorus:]
‘Cause we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
Yeah you got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you

[Verse 2:]
Maybe I was stupid for telling you goodbye
Maybe I was wrong for trying to pick a fight
I know that I’ve got issues
But you’re pretty messed up too
Either way I found out
I’m nothing without you

[Chorus:]
‘Cause we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
Yeah you got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you

[Bridge:]
Being with you is so dysfunctional
I really shouldn’t miss you
But I can’t let you go
Oh Yeah

[Chorus:]
‘Cause we belong together now, yeah
Forever united here somehow
Yeah you got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you 

Kelly Clarkson - My Life Would Suck Without You :) ❤ 

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I’d just stare out my window
Dreamin’ of what could be
And if I’d end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray 
I could breakaway

I’ll spread my wings, and I’ll learn how to fly
I’ll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I’ll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won’t forget all the ones that I love
I’ll take a risk 
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Want to feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get on board a fast train
Travel on a jet plane
Faraway
And breakaway

I’ll spread my wings, and I’ll learn how to fly
I’ll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I’ll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
I won’t forget all the ones that I love
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging ‘round revolvin’ doors
Maybe I don’t know where they take me
But gotta keep movin’ on
Movin’ on
Fly away
Breakaway

I’ll spread my wings, and I’ll learn how to fly
Though it’s not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won’t forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Breakaway
Breakaway

~Kelly Clarkson - Breakaway

Good afternoon 6 pm here. It’s really a nice sunny day ^^. Blue blue sky, feel so warm ^^. Now I’m hearing Kelly Clarkson, I love her songs :). This time maybe I want to tell you about what I think for future since I don’t have quite much to tell again about romance. The love is getting colder & colder. Actually I just hope he will try to talk with me first but I know that’s impossible. He won’t. Back to the topic, just talked with dad, nice afternoon conversation..I didn’t think I would tell that much lol so along these times I’ve been thought about it? ^^

Yes, after my internship I want to work. About the place, just hope it”ll be ok :). I hope I can start my career with good aim & result. Later if I’ve got some more experiences I want to work for more difficult areas. We are human need money but we may not forget that we have social side. What I want the most is international level & difficult level. I want to work more with people from different countries, I want to work in difficult areas too so I can increase my skills. I want to be a good & professional one. It’s not easy & maybe will need much time but I won’t give up. Everything that can make me be better I”ll take it, I”ll try to bear all the pain. I must, if I want to better I must believe that I can bear it. I don’t want to end to be main stream doctor. What I want later is to create my own place, comfortable place that I imagine if people come to my place. Art & nature, I want to put them into that plan :). Time like today, a good place shouldn’t make patients feel bored right ;). That’s why I learn more about art, nature, music now. I want to take language course too after my internship. That’s why I love having friends from anywhere. They’re part of my future :). I can learn from them, I can learn about their country, nature, culture etc I can learn more day by day. I hope I can visit some different countries too either for work, social work, seminary etc. I want to visit my dear friends too. For that I must work hard. I know sometimes maybe I look lil bit ambitious, but for work I just don’t like people who give up easily. Whatever happen, there is no time to crawl for past bad fortune etc what we need to do is get up & create more & more opportunities to make our skills more sharp & better. Even if sometimes what other people say”ll hurt us for example critics etc but if it can make us better, I”ll take it. Ways to my dreams, no matter how hard it is, the only one that I can’t give up. This is thing that I really treasure, thing that I won’t let it fall easily. I can’t & I won’t let it fall because I’ve work hard since long time ago, since many years ago I don’t want to see it fall now. Not when the gate is starting to open, not when the adventure is awaiting. We must fight, we must get up with our own foot, we must face the fear, we must wipe our tears & chasing our dreams. No cry baby here. My dreams, thing that I won’t ever give up no matter how many obstacles”ll break it. I must survive because my dream is vision that I hope I can see, vision that I hope can help people more & make this life”ll be better. My life is dedicated for others. This is way that I’ve chosen, I don’t regret it. I choose to be a doctor. Sometimes it’s not easy but what I hope is I can serve others sincerely with everything that I have, with everything that I can do. The reason is really simple, because their happiness is mine too, their smile is mine too. Live life for others is meaningful & will give you feelings that hard to be described. I do feel happy =). Dear God, bless me…I know I’m not a perfect human. Sometimes maybe I fall and down, but I always wish I can be a better person. Always.

Almost midnite. Now hearing some nostalgic songs when I was still a student. School days, filled with many memories & moments :). I just saw some of my junior high friends photo..Remembering those days it makes me laugh now..when I was in junior high I ever gave a boy chocolates even card. Lol that was my first love. My type before was someone with glasses + nice hair, smart looking type. Their hair just like guy’s hair in many manga. Lol maybe because I read too much manga that time? xD I always love man with nice hair…Dunno why that time I liked that boy, I just liked him & became his admirer, lol. I have several ‘interesting’ experiences whenever I gave something to a man :’). Second time I ever gave shirt to a man, he is a good looking & athletic type. He wore my shirt quite often, lol he looks quite handsome…hmm lol ya quite happy whenever he wore it lol…3rd time maybe wasn’t quite good, disaster tart =.=…4th, quotes..I forget how many quotes that I read those times, I think I read hundred quotes but instead I just choose some simple quotes that’s not too long/complicated. I read for several days, open back open back the pages thinking it’s good or not, it looks strange or not..got sick few days so I edited it near the end of the day..I made a card filled with those quotes, some wishes with nice acoustic melody but when I want to send it, it failed over & over again so I gave up over my net lol..It seems I don’t have quite good fate with man’s gifts lol…

Today I even think if I try to distance myself from someone what I gonna do, I mean like passing the days something like that lol…I don’t decide anything yet, I’m just still thinking & imagine. If I miss him, that mean I must bear it & let the heartache throbbing lol..maybe I will rolling rolling in my bed. Another thought, maybe he”ll hate me. Maybe he”ll think when he is still kind why am I being like this, maybe he”ll think I’m such a strange woman. Sometimes people misunderstood me because they can’t understand my nature. Even I love good sides, I’m type of person who think both of good & bad sides, someone who still try to balance it. Although sometimes it looks lil bit reckless but I have the reasons, sometimes maybe it looks like a temporary upset, but actually I have several reasons that’ve been there all of those days but I just suppress it before. Whenever I can still bear it, I will keep fighting & don’t let it control me. But as human, sometimes I fail & it comes like disaster - -! Not only surprising people, sometimes it surprising myself too. I’m a type that actually can’t hold grudge/angry for too long. I’m a type that when someone try to cheer me up although at first I’m not interested but I keep watching and slowly it can make my smile & laugh back lol..I’m just like a wild card. Sometimes what I do is unpredictable & it can give some people heart attack. In reality I’m quite calm type people, I mean my face is quite in silent mode lol…but if I laugh, smile etc ya I enjoy it. Maybe that’s why some people like teasing me..maybe because I look like a silent & calm girl. More I’m silent more people try to tease me e___e This people that I mean is outside people, if with friends lol it doesn’t matter. Actually I’m like that because I don’t want to attract much attention. I mean I love secrecy & silence in my real life. I enjoy spending my days with many little things that other people maybe don’t pay attention quite much. It feels like my own treasure..back to the topic, sometimes when I tried to forget someone I don’t say anything anymore to the person. It seems sometimes I’m lil bit cruel. Don’t worry when I still talk, but when I’m more silent & calm, filled with much composure that means I’m thinking about something either with good or bad end. It’s not easy try to forget someone when you still love with that someone. Sometimes it feels like a lie, I mean when we still think about them we say we are over already. But there are some exceptions, there are some circumstances that make people say that too, I’m quite understand. So, the conclusion is don’t take any decision when you feel angry or giving promise when you’re over joyed. Man’s love isn’t quite friend of mine. Instead loving someone that love me, most of the times I love someone that I can’t have. Most of the times I’m circling around tsundere type if we say it in manga. I don’t know why I chained with this type of guy again and again. Yandere, the sweet type one from the start while tsundere badass from outside, maybe we can say cold from outside, but warm in heart later lol. Sometimes I think yandere type, the one who love me, pay attention to me etc is so sweet actually but instead falling for them I fall for tsundere type most of the times e_e. I don’t know why I like cold man =________= writing this line feel like half crying half laughing. Huu…see you later. I can bet you smile 25%, laugh 50%, confused/feel strange 25% when read this writing. Maybe can help your day =__= keep your smile ok, never give up for your dreams & work hard everyday. Sometimes you need to laugh at life so life will smile you back eh just hope life won’t laugh at you back :P Hwaiting~

Before I forget it, maybe I”ll write this one too. The one that I wanted to write last sunday..The one that I can’t say but maybe sharing with God & you is quite enough. For someone that I love, if he feels happy I feel happy too. I know he can’t give his love because he doesn’t want to give me false hope. I do know that although he didn’t say it. Maybe someday he”ll get someone that can love him much, the one who won’t leave him, the one who will support his dreams & gives him spirit. I always wish the best for him & his happiness..I know you can’t measure how is my feeling when I write this. But I cry when I write this because it’s not easy for me to say it but I do wish the best for him. Sorry if I make you sad when read my writing, but whoever you are, keep fighting for your love when you still can fight..While me, for now what I can do is try to accept it..We don’t know what will happen next but always hope for the best.

It seems today I still have some spirit for writing? Hmm maybe ._. around 9 am now, hearing some of my fav. songs although quite gloomy too *it seems today I get many clouds T.T”…Here is someone’s song that I ever loved before

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird… I’m more than a plane
I’m more than some pretty face beside a train
And it’s not easy to be me

I wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd… but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed… but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
And it’s not easy to be me
Up, up and away… away from me
Well it’s all right… you can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy… or anything…

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside of me
Yeah, inside of me
Inside of me

I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
I’m only a man
Looking for a dream

I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
And it’s not easy, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm… 

 

Did you ever leave someone? Honestly speaking me yes…Sometimes I feel regret why I leaved him when he needed me. But the matters were quite complicated & he was bound by his past so tight that sometimes make me feel like in carousel..He’s quite sensitive & mellow type, type that gemini is quite hard to handle..He’s someone who think about some matters really deep, sometimes I feel like he is sinking to the sea. He is quite kind actually, but if his mellow mood coming, it becomes…But I think you know, leaving someone isn’t quite good feeling :(. But quite often he up & down..he did something whatever he want that quite often hurt people..bound by some complicated matters with some other girls too. 

It’s not easy even when we say we want to move on etc..We must think it quite carefully too because once words spoken out, we can’t take it back. If I can I won’t leave people that I love. What I want actually is keep fighting together and make it work. It”ll be nice if someone that we love keep fighting too, but it’s a different matter now if that someone isn’t our lover. You know sometimes I feel lil bit awkward :(. Sometimes I think it must be quite annoying..sometimes I think maybe it’s quite disturbing. Although I’m quite cheerful type sometimes my spirit is low too :(. I don’t want to leave someone that I love & want to keep fighting but the question start popping up that maybe I don’t do the right thing..Instead to be a meaningful one, maybe I’m just a disturbance. I think sometimes he understand that thing isn’t easy so he distances himself so I can still feel comfortable around. But this time maybe I’m the one who should distance myself from him? because I don’t want to make him feel bad or make him feel responsible with anything. It’s just me who need to resolve my own feelings. Is it bad if I say I don’t know what I must do now? :( I know sometimes I’m so slow but I”ll try to think it more carefully…Maybe time”ll answer it..Hope it”ll be quite good…

I love this song by John Mayer

Good morning holiday. I’m hearing such a gloomy song…Hmmm torturing myself with gloomy song when I felt gloomy already, not’s quite cool actually. I come back again here *sigh :( maybe I want to be honest with myself what I actually feel :(. This is lil bit scary but thought of giving up finally start to haunt me. First at all, this is not his fault. It’s just me that should realize it earlier. Love without mutual affections becomes harder day by day, I feel like chasing the sun. I start to feel tired :( because I know he can’t love me *once again, this is not his fault. No matter what I do I think it won’t lead me nowhere. I know he won’t fight for me that’s why maybe I should stop? Someday someone”ll love him more than me, someone who can be near him, someone who is better than me & can take care him too. Maybe if I give up, he”ll be more comfortable too. Maybe he”ll feel happier if I stop too so I won’t make him feel uncomfortable/embarassed too. I don’t know what he thinks but maybe this is what he hopes before. Sometimes I’m lil bit slow, I’m so sorry…